Tenacious ME
Tackling disabling autoimmune disease with obstinance and humor.
Change Is Good (Try Telling Anxiety That)
Don’t Panic!
It seems like I’m telling myself this an awful lot these days. There is no doubt about it, my anxiety is gaining ground. Everyday I feel a little less settled, a little more run for the hills. I’m nervous, jumpy and irritable. Nights are sleepless, days are looooong. There’s no doubt about it, flight or fight is on drip mode, anxiety rules the roost here. Options, let it take me down or figure out where the drip is coming from.
Of course I have a pretty good idea where it is coming from. As I said, it’s been creeping in day by day. This is not the out of the blue, no reason for me to be losing my shit kind of panic-attack anxiety. Nope, this is wow things are changing are you sure about all this change anxiety. Having seen the changes coming, the anxiety faeries have had plenty of time to gather panic packages to bombard me with, all night long. Which is why I’m here writing this at 2am, who needs sleep when you can be nervous about life in general instead?
So, here I am, trying to sort them out. Ever try to talk down anxiety faeries? They are nasty little imps. They look nice enough, like they honestly want to help, but let me tell you, they lie and the little bastards have a nasty bite to boot. Lately they’ve been chewing my ears off about the state of my life. Always a fun topic right?
Part of me says heck yes it is. Because honestly, life is good, actually life is GREAT! Things are bright and beautiful. This spring saw the eviction of some bad parts and the installation of a new hip, feeling better than I have in years, gaining mobility everyday. The extra mobility is allowing me to tame my dreadfully disgusting house. I’m proud to say it’s no longer dreadfully disgusting, just a little gross.
My boys are thriving. The oldest just started college and seems to be settling in wonderfully. My youngest and I have begun our homeschooling journey together. So far, so good, he’s loving math (hallelujah) and I am loving watching him learn how smart he really is. My little passion project, this lovely little blog, is growing and gaining followers. I’ve got the love and support of the world’s greatest husband and a tribe that is simply second to none. Life. Is. Great.
But, try telling anxiety that. It doesn’t care. Probably because it doesn’t believe you. Anxiety has a thousand reasons those things are all going to crap, heck anxiety rants they probably already are crap and you’re just fooling yourself. The nasty little voices in my head wonder if the hip is healing right, if my kids are really thriving, and if I’m just fooling myself that I am any kind of writer at all. They assure me that as good as life seems, something is probably terribly wrong and I just haven’t noticed it yet.
They spend their nights pointing out every thing I have not done, the projects unfinished, the dishes I abandoned to sweep floors instead. They insist, always, that I am not doing enough, not trying enough, I’m simply not enough. I battle back with stress management, with reason and logic, with hard won lessons. I am alive, therefore I am enough? I repeat it until the question mark becomes a period. I am alive, therefore I am enough.
I’m not sure when or if these nasty little faeries will give up the current round of torment. Anxiety induced by change is pretty hard to predict. Until they do, I’ll just keep breathing and chucking rocks of reason at them.
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Where is TenaciousME?
If you are a regular follower of the tenaciousME blog you may be wondering where I am these days! Don’t let the lack of blog posts fool you, I am busy at work on tenaciousme.org! I’ve been working on updating and adding to the website! It has taken soooo much longer than expected! Kudos to web content developers everywhere, there is more to building a quality site than I imagined!
Browse through the site and you will discover several new resource pages loaded with tips and tricks for living a tenacious life with autoimmune disease. Hope you find it helpful! I promise I will be back to “normal” blog posting soon! Meanwhile, hope you enjoy what I’ve done so far!
What do you think of the new look? Is there information you’d like to see here that is missing?
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Time Flies (whether you are having fun, or not)
Hard to believe it has already been a year since I made the decision to start sharing this journey with all of you and started the TenaciousME blog! What a year it has been! Full of challenges new and old, milestones, surgeries, struggles and triumphs, it really has zipped by quickly.
It has been a year of learning to be brave. A year of stepping out of my comfort zone and remembering how to take chances. A year of healing and growth. I’ve been happy, sometimes hesitant, and always grateful for the chance to share it with you. A shared burden is, after all, much easier to bear. Although no one can literally carry the burden of chronic disease for you, knowing there are people who understand, does make the load feel lighter. Hopefully I am helping you lighten your load as much as you are helping me with mine.
A shared burden is, after all, much easier to bear.
Thank you for joining me on the journey. Together we can Learn to Lean, we can help and support one another on this journey, Unleash Our Secret Super Power, and be Reborn! Sound good? I’m ready for another amazing year together, how about you? Know someone who would enjoy this blog? Help me grow by sharing my blog with them!
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10 Tried and True Natural Pain Remedies
Let’s face it, life is full of pain! Headaches, back aches, cranky joints, injuries old and new, no matter the source of the pain, nature has given us some powerful remedies for that pain. Here are the 10 Natural remedies I find most effective for managing pain.
1. Peppermint Oil- My general go-to oil for a variety of things, peppermint oil has some powerful pain killing powers. Peppermint oil can be used topically neat or diluted in a bit of carrier oil or as a hot compress. Use cautiously in summer as it makes you more sensitive to sun exposure.
2. Turmeric- Most pain is caused by inflammation. That makes turmeric, with its amazing anti inflammatory powers a heavy hitter when it comes to controlling inflammation based pain. Taken as a supplement or a tea, it can reduce daily pain from chronic conditions.
3. Heat/Ice- Both tried and true, heat and ice can both be useful in soothing pain. Ice is best used for new injuries or to calm inflammation. Heat can be used to soothe aching muscles and painful joints, though caution should be used when heating already inflamed joints, as it can increase inflammation as well.
4. CBD/Marijuana- Illegal in some state, controversial in others, marijuana and marijuana based CBD oils have gained popularity over the past decade as their pain control properties have become more widely recognized. Available in a variety of forms, with properties that also treat ailments such as lack of appetite and insomnia, this medicinal plant is a serious heavy hitter.
5. White Willow Bark- Used for centuries for its pain relief and anti inflammatory properties, the bark of the white willow tree contains salicin, also found in Aspirin. Available as a tincture or tea, also wonderful as a compress, this bark is an excellent pain remedy.
6. Yoga/exercise- I know, you hurt, the last thing you want to do is move! Unfortunately/fortunately most sources of pain will be helped by gentle movement and exercise! A little bit of yoga or other gentle exercise everyday can help heal a painful area. Be sure to check with your doctor and start small!
7.Arnica- The flowering herb arnica is an excellent pain remedy. It has been used for centuries as an internal or topical pain remedy. Available now in a variety of creams and oils, it is excellent for relief of arthritis, muscle pain, bruises and sprains.
8. Capsaicin- Derived from peppers, capsaicin is a wonderful pain blocker. Used topically, it stops pain signals from being sent to the brain. Capsaicin is found in a large number of well know products including Icy Hot.
9.Rest- Pain signals are often a sign from our body that the area crying out is in need of rest, so don’t ignore them! Taking it easy for a few days can allow tissues to heal and prevent further irritation that leads to a more permanent injury. So, listen to your body! Take it easy on sore, swollen parts!
10. Water- Is she serious? I’m in pain here and she wants me to drink water??? Yes, yes I do! Water is more important than we give it credit for. The average person needs 64 oz of water a day. When you are hurt, you need more, because water is how our body cleans out waste and toxins! Waste increases when your immune system is working to heal something. Increasing water intake helps your body clear out the garbage and nourish cells. So drink up!
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Unleash Your Secret Super Power
I have a secret. I’ve suspected for a long while now, but until recently, still had some doubts. Having worked through those, I am now sure. Want to know my secret? You are more powerful than you believe you are. Yes, YOU! I know, I know, I don’t even know you, right? That’s OK, I don’t have to. I know two things about you that make it so, you are human and you are alive. All the proof of your amazing potential I could ever need.
No, I’m not another overly-positive person looking to sell you the secret to making your dreams come true. I’ve got no big, crazy, fool-proof scheme and cannot even guarantee what I’m sharing with you will result in cash money. I believe it can, if that’s what you want, but there are no guarantees. This is your life to live and how it turns out depends more on you than you probably believe.
We tend to go through life focusing a lot of energy on what is expected of us by the outside world, pouring endless time and energy into meeting the goals society has set for us. For some, pouring themselves into that mold fits like a glove and life feels well lived. For many of us “what we should be” just doesn’t seem to fit, leading to feelings of failure and inserting some crazy belief that we could in some way be inadequate to live our own life. That somehow, we arrived here, in this skin, without the tools to be us. Ludicrous I say. Not possible.
I believe the point of this entire crazy experience we call life is to be who we are. That’s it, just be you. No big philosophically poignant, overarching meaning of life. Just be here, be you, be alive in the ways you were designed to and all will be as it should in time. I know that seems a little over-simple perhaps, I mean, how can we not have a bigger purpose, right? But then I’d argue, what is a bigger purpose than living an authentic life? And, by being your most authentic self, might you inevitably find yourself working for your highest purpose?
Consider the things that spark you, the things that bring you joy. It is no accident that each human you meet has a different answer to that question. We are, by design, individuals. This is no ant colony full of clones. We are humans, each with unique gifts and talents. Your unique talents and gifts are what grant you power. Your ability to learn from mishaps and change your approach, is a gift. Your unique perspective, is a gift. The way your brain works, is a gift. The incredible, adaptable nature we each possess, is a gift. So, get out there and focus on using the power you’ve been given. Nurture your gifts, embrace your individual super powers, be unapologetically, authentically you! The world is waiting for You.
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Hectic Life Survival Strategies: How proper prior planning prevents piss poor performance.
Next week, I’m going to need twice as many spoons. No, I’m not preparing for an ice cream social, just a crazy week full of too many obligations. If you have a chronic disease, and are familiar with spoon theory, you know what I mean. For the rest of you, spoons represent the energy and effort needed to get through normal everyday things, and just like your kitchen drawer, I wake up to a limited number everyday, that must then be used to dress, cook, eat, and do whatever chores and activities I need for the day. The big kicker? Some days, I wake up to find someone took ½ the spoons! Not cool! This means there will be things that won’t get done. Or, that I will have to borrow against tomorrow’s spoons to get through today, leaving me with less spoons for the next few days as I try to get back on track.
Looking at the schedule for next week, doctors appointments and graduation activities, on top of normal life, I can already tell, there is just no way I have enough spoons for that. So now what? What does one do when they know they are going to be in over their head but needs to take that plunge anyway? Look for floaties? Seems reasonable. Try to charter a boat? Even better. If the issue were water, how easy I cold solve it. Unfortunately, it is not so simple, the issue is energy and a mobile body, both quite limited resources in chronically ill me. So, gathering real floats and boats won’t help me, but some metaphorical ones, well, that just might work.
So, I am making a plan. A plan to conserve spoons and just keep swimming. A plan that includes throwing a few things overboard if I have to, doctors appointments can be rescheduled, graduation is coming, rather I am ready or not. And boy is that going to take a lot of spoons. My baby is graduating. Emotional much? If you know chronic disease, you know stress and other negative emotions, like the deep deep sadness of a baby about to leave the nest, can turn up the fires of chronic disease. So, I am going to be stressed, emotional, and have too much to do, see why I’ve been thinking so much about my spoon supply?
So, first, floaties, I wasn’t kidding, they will help. So what’s a floatie when you have chronic illness? Rest, exercise, nutritious food, and herbs that will reduce pain and inflammation. Being sure they are all included in my plan, will help increase that daily spoon supply. They will help me stay afloat, even if I am technically out of spoons.
Next up, preparation. Because, as a cousin of mine loves to say proper prior planning prevents piss poor performance. It’s true, planning ahead for the way too busy times can be a massive help. Anything I can do to get ready for next week, this week, will save energy for the things I can’t do ahead. Laundry, housework, gathering things needed for graduation and the celebration of the amazing grad, grocery shopping, meal planning, all of those things are on the to do list for this week, so I don’t have to find time and energy for them later.
Naturally, with a big to do list and challenging week ahead, I’m going to need help. Learning to delegate, to allow people to help get things done, has been critical in my healing journey. Now that I know I don’t have to do it all to get it all done, I am much better at reaching out and asking for help. And my awesome tribe always comes through. As we gear up to celebrate the accomplishments of one of our own, I am certain to have all the help I could want or need.
Although I know it will definitely be a challenging week, with a little planning, prep, and assistance I am sure I can get through it. If all else fails, I’ve got a boat reserved for the party at the end of the week, you would probably call it a wheelchair, I see a way to stay afloat, even if I’m completely out of spoons.
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Do you bite off more than you can chew? 5 Signs you might be tenacious too.
1. You hate asking for help. When you are truly tenacious, asking for help feels like failing. There is a part of you that expects you to be able to do it all. It is disappointed when you cannot.
2. Offers of help piss you off. It doesn’t seem to matter if you really need the help or not, offers of help tend to trigger irritation. After all, you think you can do it (see #1), what makes them think you need help?
3. The words “you can’t do that” sound like a challenge. When you are tenacious, someone telling you what you cannot do sounds more like a dare than an honest statement. You can do anything, who are they to doubt?
3. You lug all of the things at once. Tenacious people are famous for overloading things; their schedule, their to-do list, their arms when they fetch the groceries. Being tenacious means you are quite sure you can handle it all.
4. DIY doesn’t intimidate you. If you look at something and think, I could create that, you might be tenacious. A willingness to try anything once and a belief that you can do anything you try hard enough to do mean you often think to yourself, I could do that.
5. You’ve injured yourself doing something beyond your capabilities. Tenacious means limits don’t apply, until they do. These lessons are generally painful, as the truly tenacious will try until they prove they can’t. This kind of limit pushing often ends in injury.
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Riding the roller-coaster called life
Ever feel like your life is a wild roller-coaster ride you have been on for waaay too long and you’re tired and a little nauseous and would just like the ride operator to let you off the train? That’s me in a nutshell lately. Its just been one thing after another. One stress-or is barely handled before the next rolls in, when they aren’t attacking in twos and threes. I feel like a five year old after a long day at Disney. I’m tired, I’m cranky, the amusement park visit has been way too much for me and I’m ready for some rest! Unfortunately, this park requires 24-7 attendance and there is no escape. Lovely.
SO, now what? Having determined that the stress is apparently just going to keep coming at me, I’m left looking for a plan b. Can’t avoid it. Better tame it. Easy, right? Sure. Just as easy as herding butterflies.
Like butterflies, stress is seemingly erratic, but does tend to have a purpose. As much as I do not want to be fixated on my health issues, unpaid bills, or the needs of my kids not being met in school, I do need to be aware of the problems. My brain and I just seem to disagree a bit about what aware looks like. I think aware means I see the problem and steps are being taken to deal with it. My brain appears to believe we can’t stop turning the problem over until it’s solved completely.
So, I alternate between having a plan, feeling like I know what I am doing, and feeling like I am f*cking it all up and it’s hopeless anyway. I’m confident and unsure. I’m certain, but also uncertain. I’m the crone and the maiden, informed and naive, lost and found, all in one. The coaster isn’t slowing, but staying on the tracks at least, there is some comfort in that.
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Science, what is it good for?
Everyday, without fail, I see people arguing on social media. The subjects range from politics to daily life. One thing they share, somewhere in the thread, you’re likely to find someone holding up science as their proof of righteousness. So, what is science? Is it the great argument end-er that we are looking for or yet another reason to spark debate? If you are a scientist, you better have answered the latter. If you, as a scientist believe science works in absolute truths, kindly turn in your lab coat, you’ve missed something really important.
Science isn’t fact. (Cue comment section blow-up) Sorry, as a science-minded person, I truly understand, you want to know the truth, unfortunately, the most science can ever offer is an educated guess. The one concrete fact about science, every single bit of information generated is theoretical. Science tests ideas, it allows us to observe, calculate and theorize about what we are observing, the one thing it will not do, is generate absolute truths. The question is, why doesn’t it? The short answer is, it can’t, but why?
Everything is extremely complicated. There appears to be absolutely nothing on this earth that is influenced by only one or two easy to manipulate factors. It took early scientists little time to realize the variables influencing any one phenomenon are practically infinite, making concrete findings in science fairly impossible. To put it simply, there are far too many things to measure to know that what we are measuring is actually the cause of the thing being studied.
Consider meteorology, no, I’m not talking about TV weather people here, though some of those are indeed meteorological scientists by training, I’m talking about the folks behind the scenes, who give your local weather person their information. Those people are scientists. They spend their days compiling collected data, running simulations and models built from decades of data and observation, only to be wrong approximately 20% of the time. In a field that has literally thousands of scientists a day contributing to its advancement, we really expect them to do better than that, but the truth is, they are doing the best they can hope to, weather is infinitely complex. So is everything else.
In an infinitely complex world, science will never offer concrete facts. The best it has to give is theory. So, what is the point of science then, if not to give us all the answers? The point, is to know more. Every single experiment carried out, brings us more information. Every theory proven wrong, is a step closer to a better understanding of the world. Although science may never lead to absolute truths, it does offer us insight. Science may never allow us to determine when it will definitely rain. It does, however, provide us with a pretty good idea of which days we might need an umbrella.
Tenacious ME 