Ever feel like your life is a wild roller-coaster ride you have been on for waaay too long and you’re tired and a little nauseous and would just like the ride operator to let you off the train? That’s me in a nutshell lately. Its just been one thing after another. One stress-or is barely handled before the next rolls in, when they aren’t attacking in twos and threes. I feel like a five year old after a long day at Disney. I’m tired, I’m cranky, the amusement park visit has been way too much for me and I’m ready for some rest! Unfortunately, this park requires 24-7 attendance and there is no escape. Lovely.
SO, now what? Having determined that the stress is apparently just going to keep coming at me, I’m left looking for a plan b. Can’t avoid it. Better tame it. Easy, right? Sure. Just as easy as herding butterflies.
Like butterflies, stress is seemingly erratic, but does tend to have a purpose. As much as I do not want to be fixated on my health issues, unpaid bills, or the needs of my kids not being met in school, I do need to be aware of the problems. My brain and I just seem to disagree a bit about what aware looks like. I think aware means I see the problem and steps are being taken to deal with it. My brain appears to believe we can’t stop turning the problem over until it’s solved completely.
So, I alternate between having a plan, feeling like I know what I am doing, and feeling like I am f*cking it all up and it’s hopeless anyway. I’m confident and unsure. I’m certain, but also uncertain. I’m the crone and the maiden, informed and naive, lost and found, all in one. The coaster isn’t slowing, but staying on the tracks at least, there is some comfort in that.